Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Unthwarted

"I know that you can do all things

And that no purpose of yours

can be thwarted."

~ Job


When he woke that morning all better, I remember fearing that it wasn't going to last. And I asked God to make it so. For those four glorious months we rejoiced and rested, not knowing that the true test was to come. And how do you react when your greatest dream realized, is then again taken away? And how do you go on when your best friend holds the hand of physical pain each day, an unwelcome friend? And do I really mean it when I say I wish it were me, not my girls' daddy? At the time I do, but I know no one can go on feeling this way every day and not crumple.

I remember the afternoon 11 years ago when I walked into the room to find the strong half of me laying on the hospital bed. And I ran--the hallway a marathon filmed in slow motion. And the nurse, busy talking, walked slowly to his side. And then the flood--the flood of doctors and voices and shouts and code blues and "Get her out of heres!" and I--hiding in the corner, too busy crying to pray. And I feel that desperation again. In the middle of a movie. In the still of the night. Even in the middle of a noisy hallway. I am there again. And I feel it again. Like death is looming. And the same shock and devastation tastes bad in my mouth. Sickness is a robber...stealing and stripping and ransacking. Until nothing is left except absolute dependence on The Maker of the World. And we are forced to completely surrender our rights, our expectations and even our future.

How do you rise after you fall on your knees in disappointment?

Cry...

Cry to God.

Seek.

Seek HIS wisdom.

We are not to go about this world alone.



We are to continue meeting together...praying together...


encouraging one another.


And praise.

Praise the God who gives and takes away. Praise the One who sees the beginning and the end. Praise the One who saves.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.


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10 comments:

Brian Miller said...

oh...prayers for you in this tough time...we cant go one...not in our own power at least...but the bringer of life can do just that...

David N. said...

I can't even imagine. You expressed this very well. I will pray for peace for you.

Also, that first pic of your girls is beautiful.

Courtney Walsh said...

oh, wow. There really are no words... but to learn to praise in the midst of crisis...that's my goal.

Joybird said...

Wow. So this was 11 years ago? And he is well now? I'd love to know more, to hear how God brought you through. Thanks for the intense taste of what is, I am certain, a powerful story. Also, beautiful job breathing life into those memories for me. And the pictures of your daughters are gorgeous.

Suz said...

We love you dear friend! Our prayers are flowing....and tears. May His everlasting mercy fall upon you.

happygirl said...

J, you are brave, brave, and brave. Thanks for sharing and showing me that our God is big enough to be there for you. I need to learn to trust, but I'm scared to ask to learn. Does that make any sense at all?

ELK said...

j . oh how these were special words today for me . blessings

Stephanie said...

Oh Jen! I'm so sorry that you and Brian have to continue to endure this trial. I struggle so much with hope in the face of disappointment. But I pray for you often...that you would find hope in a God who restores, that you would experience God's deep love for you, that you would have the unwavering faith of Abraham, Sarah, Moses...who also had to wait many years before seeing God's promises fulfilled in their lives. I rejoice knowing God will use this for good and that He will be glorified through your family. This life is but a vapor and there are great rewards in Heaven for those who endure. God's grace IS enough, and He will continue to carry you through as you trust in Him. Love you so much!!

emily wierenga said...

oh, J.... this brought me to tears... praying for your strong half, the one in the hospital bed--oh, Lord, hear our prayers--that the daddy of these beautiful girls and the wife of this wonderful woman might be healed. and blessed be your name. J... please keep us posted. what a tender tribute...

K said...

A friend has sent me your blog upon request by me once I heard your husband has UC. My husband has Crohn's and my sisters nephew has UC and I would love to share some information with you that has helped them both live symptom free for a long time. You can email me directly at dnkmerrick@hotmail.com. We will pray for your husband and family.

Katie from Cali

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