What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman...

"You're going to have a HUMONGOUS baby!"

That is exactly what was said to me during a recent trek to Fred Meyer, by a well-meaning, older gentleman before me in line.

But first, let me set the stage: He first asked when I was due. I could tell by his expression that he expected me to say "next week." When I said "August" (aka: 3 months), he was more than a bit taken back and his eyes got as big as my belly at 6 months pregnant.

Ok. I get it. I do look like I'm carrying a basketball in my tummy. And really--I don't take this all personally. I figure, if I'm going to have a baby, I may as well look like I'm going to have a baby. But telling a pregnant woman that she is going to have a humongous baby makes her mind go places she doesn't want it to go! The horrors my mind has gone through ever since that fateful comment! Exactly how big will Reesie-girl be?

REALLY.

I know I am being irrational, but I'm pregnant, and that is how I roll when I'm pregnant. So the irrationality of it all continues. I have already "heard" the doctor's words when she arrives:

We were wrong about your due date! You were supposed to be due sometime back in June!

or

Better call the Book of World Records. This one's a doozy!

or

You may need some help out to the car with her. I called for the fork-lift operator to meet you out front.

Yes, this is all exaggeration. My husband would be so proud of me for my embellishments. But exaggeration or not, I now have braced myself for a big baby all because of this man's comment.

But it's not all because of this one man's comment. Everywhere I go, people keep asking if I am due this month. Manual doors now open automatically. People part ways for me quicker than the Red Sea.

I was at Winco and was placing veggies on the conveyer belt. It was a quick trip and I didn't need much. In fact, if Winco had an express line, I would be in it. This man in front of me asked me 3 times if I could handle placing my groceries on the belt myself. I felt like telling him I was pregnant, not disabled, but instead thanked him for asking. But no, I do not need help lifting this jalapeno. Or this bag of lettuce. Or small 1-inch baggy of bulk cumin. I still wonder how he thought I had gotten these "heavy" items in my cart in the first place. Yes he was being nice. I'm just having fun.

I also went to Costco yesterday and got a smattering of groceries. It has been my experience that Costco does not provide help with large loads. In fact, a few years ago I purchased a playhouse and had to lug Brian back with me later in the day to help me get it home, as I was told that they do not provide assistance with large items. Yesterday was different. Upon exiting the building, the nice man who writes smiley faces on our receipts insisted that I get some help and instructed me to drive my car up to the front. When I arrived, my basket was promptly emptied without so much as a lifted finger from myself.

Thus my growing paranoia over a humongous baby.